I had just left a room filled with people. Lots of whom I knew and enjoyed. We had danced, laughed, ate, and celebrated. But as I walked out this overwhelming feeling came of “I didn’t fit in there. Nobody really got me.” Nobody was rude. Nobody had been mean. They were all nice people, but I really just did not feel like I fit in.
A while back I did a very unofficial poll of some of my friends, and I asked them if they often felt like they didn’t fit in.
You wanna know what? MOST of them said that they did not feel like they fit in. A few said that sometimes they did but it was only with select groups.
And here is the funny thing, most of the friends I asked are people who I think are quite socially proficient and popular. They have lots of friends, are easy to talk to, and have a high level of competence in their field. They aren’t loners or painfully shy individuals.
Top it off with this unspoken attitude in much of the global church that marriage is the be all end all goal next to Jesus. Nobody comes right out and says it, but it’s there. Please hear me correctly here. I actually DO believe that it is God’s will for 99.9% of people to get married and have an amazing, God centered marriage. “two are better than one” (Eccl 4:9) "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.(Gen 2:18) “be fruitful and multiply, (Gen 9:7)
These and lots of other scriptures indicate that marriage is God’s idea and part of God’s plan for your life. But marriage cannot be the primary goal of your existence if you are to truly honor God with your life.
That being said, here are 5 things to help make singleness and marriage better.
(P.S. there are some nuggets in here for my married pals too)
Grieving is one of those things that nobody really wants to be good at. Because if you are good at grieving, it means that you’ve gone through some loss in your life. I am NOT a “grief expert.” I have, however grieved enough in my life to have learned how to do it fairly well. I have walked with friends through losses and seen grief that is effective and grief that is not.
This is NOT an article on the psychological stages of grief. This is instead, if you will, some loving advice from a heart that has grieved and healed (and is still healing) and learned. This is encouragement from my heart to yours to help you heal, grow, and draw closer to your Father’s heart in the midst of sorrow.